What’s Top 10 Tuesday? It’s a new Top 10 List every Tuesday!
Welcome back, ghouls and gals! So Halloween has come and gone once again, leaving me (and I’m sure some of you) feeling a bit hollow inside. Fear not though, fellow fiends! The next 358 days won’t be so bad. After all, there are other holiday horrors that we can feast upon as we wait for next Hallow’s Eve! Allow me to share some of my favorites once again in this week’s edition of Top 10 Tuesday!
10. Independence Day
Uncle Sam (1996)
Rounding out my list is the July 4th extravaganza known as Uncle Sam. Who needs a solid plot when you’ve got a zombie soldier running around decapitating disrespectful teenagers, shooting lawyers and blowing up a member of congress with fireworks?
9. Father’s Day
The first segment in the amazing horror anthology is titled ‘Father’s Day’ , and though there are other Father’s Day horror films out there this short film does more for the holiday than the feature-lengths could. Just remember, dad likes his cake.
8. Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day (1980)
The pickings for holiday horror begin to get pretty slim in the summer, but if you look hard and get creative you can find something. You could go with the loose remake from 2010 if you’re in the mood for a more psychological horror, but I tend to stick to senseless decapitations and campy fun, so I went with this version.
7. Cinco De Mayo
Cinco De Mayo (2013)
I didn’t even know a horror film for Cinco De Mayo existed, but I found myself running short on holidays and came across this little gem. This slasher flick is chock full of social commentary but doesn’t get overly-pretentious or preachy. It sticks to the point that racism is an issue best dealt with severely, like with a weed-eater. Also if you’ve ever wanted to see what a human piñata looks like, I suggest you watch this movie.
Critters 2 (1988)
It was a little hard finding an Easter-related horror film, so I went with a movie from my childhood that I remembered seeing a man dressed as the Easter Bunny get his stomach eaten out in. Critters is my favorite creature feature franchise. I can watch all four of the films over and over and still enjoy them.
5. St. Patrick’s Day
Was there ever any doubt this wouldn’t be my choice for this holiday? The original is one of my favorite horror films of all time, and who can forget Jennifer Aniston’s film debut? Fun from start to finish, Leprechaun is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow between St Patty’s Day and Halloween.
4. Valentine’s Day
Hospital Massacre (1982)
So this little rarity of a film actually has four titles (Hospital Massacre, X-Ray, Ward 13 and Be My Valentine, or Else…) and zero plot. Seriously, it’s pretty plotless, but it makes my list because the gore is top-notch for its time. If you can find a copy I suggest giving it a go.
3. New Year’s Eve
Terror Train (1980)
Groucho Marx stalks Jamie Lee Curtis aboard a train on New Year’s Eve. Oh, and David Copperfield plays a magician. Seriously though, this might be one of the most underrated slasher films of all time and is definitely a great movie to ring in the New Year with.
There are plenty of Christmas horror films to choose from, but for the sake of saving material for a future Top 10 I’ve decided to stick with ridiculousness and go with Elves. Elves is a story about Neo-Nazis, a master race of elf/human hybrids, and having your father and grandfather as the same guy (I told you I was sticking with ridiculous). All of this takes place in Colorado (way before recreational marijuana was legal, but I somehow think this movie is the fever dream of something way more potent), and the hero is an alcoholic ex-cop turned mall Santa. It just keeps getting better, doesn’t it?
It was only a matter of time before someone decided to make a movie about a foul-mouthed murderous turkey that goes on a killing spree during Thanksgiving break. I’m surprised it took until 2008 but hey, better late than never! Thankskilling is one of those movies that even the staunchest of horror fans might find themselves asking “what did I just watch?” Let me help you out there: you watched (or if you haven’t yet, will watch) a rubber turkey chase a topless pilgrim through the forest, murder college kids, and wear a sheriff’s face. You’re welcome.
I’d like to mention that, if you don’t feel like watching these seasonal horror selections throughout the year, you can always watch 2016’s Holidays and get it all in one shot. It’s a fun anthology film featuring the talents of Kevin Smith and Seth Green, among others. I probably could have saved you all the trouble of reading this article by writing about that but then I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of sharing some of those gems up there with you. You’re welcome.