Who is Graveyard Boy?

So Many Questions: Who is Graveyard Boy?

Hold up. So it’s finally Halloween night and, you mean to tell me, the only thing you have in the fridge is some leftover Chinese take-out? Hey, what do you wanna watch or listen to? How do you want to bag up this candy? Wait, since we’re not wearing costumes, wanna pretend to be drug-dealers? Imagine a drug-dealer dressed up as a ghost knocking on our door, wouldn’t that be—was that the doorbell I just heard, or am I hearing things now? Babe? Baby?? Hello0o0o0o??? Did you die in the basement again? Is that why you aren’t answering me!? *Cell phone rings.* Why are you calling me, I just saw you a minute ago. *Answers her call.* *Voice scrambler static.* “…What’s your favorite scary music?” Nice try, c’mon. *Doorbell rings.* Oh, come on, Clarice, you know better than me that we wouldn’t even get any trick’r’treaters… *Doorbell rings.* Alright, now you’re just being obnoxious! We’re out here IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME… *Voice scrambler static.* “….So you thought you and your little g/f could have a nice, romantic Halloween night together, isn’t that cute?” *Awkward silence.* …Wanna play games, huh? Okay, I’ll play along. What, you really thought I was coming over just to watch the first Scream movie with you? *Goes to answer the door.* Clarice? Look, you’re taking this too far now. *Clarice’s voice.* “Look behind you!” *Phone call ends.* Seeeee, I knew it was you! *Slowly turns around.* Wha— *Her decapitated head is next to a cassette deck/player tape/recording of her ‘look-behind-you!’ on loop.* *Doorbell rings again* …Uh-oh…

Hello, reader 👻. Let me introduce myself here. Hi! I’m Graveyard Boy! There, I said it. Okay, so. With that said, Morbid Movies was looking for writers… And here I am in the flesh. Well, actually, not really. I dug myself up out from the local graveyard. Decided to start fresh again! Granted, typing with these dumb clumsy skeleton fingers, has proven to be vedy, vedy, uhhh. *Clears throat.* Sorry, had to cut myself off. Not to mention the Dracula impersonator in the grave next door kept mumbling really loud in his casket. Supposedly he was a ventriloquist in his time. Now he’s just thirsty for attention!!! *Audience booing.*

Speaking of death, you’re probably wondering what happened to me. Who said anything about death? I don’t know. Might as well create a little background story.

I was a little boy running around with my imaginary ghost-friends in a graveyard one Autumn afternoon. Friday the 13th, 2006, to be oddly specific. It was my birthday and my parents were both preoccupied working overtime and the babysitter had to cancel last minute. What luck. I like to leave out the part that I was more than unpopular at school. No birthday party. Sometimes it felt like I didn’t exist. So, yeah. What’s a lonely, only-child to do? Always loved October—my birthday presents were always some cute spooky bullshit. I’m not kidding. My parents gave me Halloween decorations for presents. No wonder everyone thought I was weird. That’s the boy who goes to graveyards by himself, what a weirdo. A graveyard was a place of solitude for me. Before I knew it it was dark and raining, and I fell into an open grave that was so deep and quiet that I kept falling for what seemed like an eternity, and because there wasn’t any sound, that somehow made it go by quicker.

Eleven years later, on the same day of Oct. 13th, 2017, I woke up, coughing in a coffin. I was scary. I mean, it was scary. It was scary and I was scary. Not that I was dead, but I was old! How I dug myself out of that one isn’t clear. I couldn’t see at first without eyes, plus it was only complete blackness inside of my coffin. I guess I had to rely on my imagination—something I was already good at—to escape, to see again. (“I can see clearly now my eyes are gone!”) I didn’t like what I saw myself as. How could I transition into a functioning member of society again as a ghoul or zombie? People have this misconception that zombies eat brains. Well, I have brains. What I could use is some spare flesh, but I’m too nice to chase someone down for that. Which means I’m hungry a lot, like any other starving writer. I almost want to say nice zombies finish last, but I’m not necessarily a zombie. Then am I a ghoul? No. I’m still a boy at heart. Don’t get me started on how I don’t quite have a beating heart. I’ve seen a few graveyard ghouls manage to fake their way back to life.

This one ghoul I know has a boyfriend who hasn’t figured out yet that she’s dead… She must be really good at faking it 😉 *Crickets.* Ah, who needs a ghoulfriend anyway when you can hide and watch horror movies? Hence, the whole point of this goofy introduction. Therefore, I like to watch horror movies; could have just said that instead… But yeah, emailed the editor of Morbid Movies and proposed the idea of doing an article on horror movie music.

Without further digression, welcome to Graveyard Boy’s Secret Notes on Either Iconic Horror Movie Soundtracks or Peculiar Horror-Themed Music Stuff. In no particular order,

1. Joy Division’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart” and The Church’s “Under The Milky Way” iconicism as featured in the Donnie Darko Halloween party bedroom scene, before-&-after. Skeleton boy brings a ghoul upstairs, can I get an OW YEAHHH!? Wait. What’s this? Honorable mention to a relatively unknown song called “Donnie Darko’s House Party” by Sigh Gone, which presented itself to me in a dream on the 2nd of October, 1985?

2. “Silver Shamrock Commercial Jingle” satire in Halloween III: Season of the Witch (John Carpenter did the soundtrack also). A cool song to sing in the shower.

3. Only Lovers Left Alive soundtrack. The movie is about a reclusive vampire musician, so naturally I likey. I’m a reclusive graveyard musician. Click link for free pick-up lines, imareclusivegraveyardmusician.net (lol, I’m such a troll).

4. A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night soundtrack. I think I like the soundtrack more than the movie. I said I think. Listen to “Yarom Bia” by Kiosk, please.

5. WTF is up with Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond soundtrack? Listened to it in my car once. Not gonna lie, it’s a guilty pleasure.

6. The Guest soundtrack. Can we talk about the haunted house scene in this movie? “The word that would best describe this feeling would be ‘haunted.’”

7. Suspiria theme/soundtrack > John Carpenter’s Halloween, because the Halloween theme today sounds like everyone in 7th grade learning to play piano ↔ Suspiria theme at least would be more interesting to consider in a Hardcore Rap song.

8. “Love Under Will” by Jet Black Berries, if I had to pick one song to play at your Halloween party. Found on the Return of the Living Dead soundtrack.

9. Audio production-value of I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House, the way her narrative is manipulated into sounding ephemeral like a ghost. Haunting. Listen to it late at night with the lights off, volume loud or on headphones.

10. Night of the Demons (1988) opening title animation and music, iconic ‘80s camp, for sure.

11. Why is the outro song of Hausu (1977) during the credits sung by a Japanese band in English? Genius.

12. Bonus track—check out Angelo Badalamenti’s Twin Peaks soundtrack! My personal fave is “Audrey’s Dance,” or “Dance of The Dream Man.” Time to strut some morbid dance moves… *Dances inappropriately.*

So there you have it. We have so much information at our disposal today that if you see anything worth your attention you’ll do a Google (or (may I recommend) DuckDuckGo)) search. Hopefully you saw something at first glance here that stimulated the thought-process you had prior to reading this. Go ahead, reach your hand toward the screen, so to speak. I’m in there on Instagram @johnwilliamvl my poltergeist friends.

Yes, this was actually a letter,
–Graveyard Boy